Thursday, 4 May 2017

Help! My wife does not like sex

This is from a reader who needs our advice. Please the use of insulting and derogatory words is not allowed. What will you do if you find yourself in this situation? His mail reads:

Dear Sisi Tinu, I love you and your writings and I will like to know what you think about my issue.

I dated a lady for a very long time and the lady was a virgin throughout our dating period. I as a guy was the type that likes sex a lot and not only that,I also like it in different styles. But, because my girlfriend then,now my wife was a virgin,I decided to stop sleeping around with ladies and got married. Unfortunately, our sex life as a couple is nothing to write home about because my wife does not like sex at all and I have tried all I could to make her like it to no avail. It has gotten to a stage where she blames herself for keeping her virginity till thirty-one years when she got married. She believes that if she has started having sex a long time ago, she would have known her sexual capacity and that of the man she would go out with or marry. I am on the verge of having an affair but I love my wife and I don't want to hurt her.

His question now is if it is 100% okay for a lady to keep her virginity till marriage.

Dear reader, thanks for the love. I love you too. Hmmm! I must confess that your issue is a very big one. And the fact is that many families have gone down the drain because of the three-lettered word ‘SEX’.
If you have been following me on Sexified, you will know that sex is for two people to enjoy, a male and a female. It is a two-way thing,even in animals. And in a situation where one of the partners is found wanting, it is usually a sorry case.

I can’t even start to know the frustration you’re experiencing. It is truly frustrating. I’ve listened to men as they’ve voiced their anxiety and grief and utter anger over this issue. I know what it means for a man to be in the mood for action but unable to because his woman isn't up to the task.

That your wife decided to zip up till marriage is a plus to you and her as it gave you the opportunity to be the one to launch her into the world of sexual intercourse. And my congratulations to you that you were able to marry a ‘tear rubber’ . I believe you know the happiness one has when he buys a brand new car is a long way far from the one he has when the car is a Tokunbo.

I think her problem is not that she doesn’t like sex, but I will say it is because she hasn’t discovered the sweetness that is embedded in it. When you took her innocence (virginity), how did you do it? Did you make love to her like it was her first or you treated her like one of your exes with rich experience? Are you hurrying her to do some styles with you without explaining what her role is and how to do them? Why not start with the missionary style and let her discover herself from there before trying the ‘bigger’ ones? What about foreplay,is it in the right proportion or you just plunge into her with preparing her honey pot for your entrance?

For me, the responsibility to make her love sex lies solely on your shoulders. Let her know that sex is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed and not to be scared of. Sex is not a monster. It is paradise. I will advice you take it one at a time and don’t see her as one of your exes with degrees in sexual intercourse. She’s a learner, so treat her as one. That she’s feeling bad may be as a result of the disappointment she sees on your face after trying to get down.
She can also read up on the internet about sexual intercourse alongside Sexified on this blog.

On a final note, it is not wrong for any lady that has the opportunity to remain a virgin till marriage. It is a plus to her and her husband.

Please advice a brother in need. Have your say in the comment section below.

Remember that we all at one point need a shoulder to cry on. Feel free to send me your issues via my email or on any of my social media platforms. 

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